Are you positive?

 











This post could also have been called 'wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles' - the song that is currently in my head. My life has always been an unexpected journey of twists and turns, joys and frustrations and this year probably more than every other... Job loss, pandemic, getting coronavirus, death (not mine!), falling off bike, excruciating nerve pain, moving house, getting engaged, becoming pregnant!!

The miracle is that this is the first time we've tried properly... I got some ovulation tests, we had sex at exactly the right time... And two weeks later the tests show positive. In fact less than two weeks later - I did an early test the first day it was possible to get a positive... At 4.30am because I had a full bladder and couldn't get back to sleep. Phil joined me, and there was nothing to begin with so I was about to go back to sleep just as a very feint line appeared... However on inspection we decided it was too feint and that we should go back to sleep. I didn't really for ages, and when I reawoke I did another test immediately... An expensive digital one which confirmed what I have known for a week. I've been shattered, crampy, emotional, tender breasts... Watched Wimbledon with my eyes closed... Unheard of! I knew something was afoot but people kept telling me you can't feel anything early on so I doubted myself... And now I know I was bloody right!

So... Excitement, joy, trepidation, mostly excitement (not sure I've got engaged with the trepidation!) but relieved that I had an appointment with Hester by chance on the day! I've woken up the day after and I'm lying in bed considering doing another test... But I'm scared it'll say something else...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Broader than the broads

Image
A boat ride on the broads was a suitable distraction from discharge... But today I feel I've turned a corner... There's been a lot less and I no longer feel like I'm about to start a period any minute. I've even been brave enough to risk a bowel movement, and my insides haven't fallen out... Well only the necessary bits anyway. At 4am I got over excited at the lack of discharge and couldn't get back to sleep again in my rejoicing... But I've tempered that a bit today and feel hesitantly relieved. I'd like that to turn back into grinning like a maypole every time I think of being pregnant but the most I could muster today was telling the owner of the boat company that the reason I needed shade in the boat was not because I'm a light-weight but because I am in fact pregnant. Not to mention the fact that I didn't want my furry-coated friend to suffer heat stroke. Also... There's a thing called melasma... Another thing tha...
Read more

Melt Down

After a couple of days of extreme excitement and smiling whenever I had a cramp, I had a busy day seeing 4 clients in the morning (not something I'd have planned if I'd known I'd be pregnant) then dropping a library book at uni, back to spurriergate to collect forgotten sunglasses, home by 3pm with banging headache, teaching from 3.30-5pm and then trying to pack to go to Norfolk. By the time I went to bed I had cramping all night and a light pink hue to my discharge and convinced myself I was having a chemical pregnancy and that my period would start any day. I barely slept, did another test in the morning which had a much darker line than Tuesdays (a good sign I feel) but that did little to reassure me because really there is nothing to be done to reassure. Every time I went to the toilet I expected my insides to fall out of me and for the whole thing to be over. I wish I hadn't pulled my back lifting a filing cabinet as the back pain mixed with the cramping is confusi...
Read more

Implantation or doom?

I genuinely thought that getting the positive test result was all I needed to relax and enjoy being pregnant. I couldn't have been more wrong. Today is the day that I would have started my period according the the premom app I have been using and the presence of now brown discharge is giving me the hibigeebees. I'm still convinced that my period is going to start any minute, my back is killing me and every time I relax my nervous system, I have to go to the toilet which triggers it off again. Googling helps to a degree - pink/brown discharge can definitely be implantation... It should theoretically have been a little earlier, but my body has never played by any period cycle rules so I would have been surprised if my period had started today on a normal cycle to be honest. But it is also often what happens before my period starts. I'm starting to feel resigned to the fact that this could be a chemical pregnancy and any minute the flood gates will open and it'll all whoos...
Read more